lightthedarkness | Deer Country IC Inbox

[It's reassuring to hear that she's trying. That's all anyone can do, here. He'll follow her out of the water, dropping down onto the stand and adjusting his magic scarf bit tighter around his neck.]

I don't think it was bad you and V put yourselves out there for him.... [If anything, it showed just how much they care about their friends.] And I don't think it should affect how much people trust you, 'cause it's like - [He gestures at the ocean.] - one time you were wrong in a whole ocean of times you were trustworthy.

But... yeah. Maybe it's not a bad idea to let the people you're helping be the ones to show everyone how much they've changed.

[She smiled and even snorted in amusement at the "whole ocean" of trust-worthy. She nods and closes her eyes. She can think of plenty more times she wasn't. But she lets out a breath.

She nods.]

Mnn... I guess I just wanted... I don't know. I wanted people to see- [She let out a breath and leaned back.] I wanted people to see what I saw. What we've seen. It... it's not just an ACT he's not THAT good at manipulating people, no matter what he says. [She rolled her eyes and then sighed.]

It's... [She sighed again.] but it's too much to ask everyone to ignore everything else he's done, to see past the spikes and rough edges. But if the rough edges have cut them, then why should they?

Don't think I believe that anymore. I've known jerks like him, and they're real good at acting like you mean the world to them right up until they don't need you anymore.

[Martin is coming to mind. As is Gumbald. He resists the urge to shudder and shakes his head. He doesn't want to think about either of them right now.]

He hasn't given anyone any reason to trust him and every reason to think he's being suspicious. Right now if someone does trust him, they're just being stupid.

I've known worse jerks than him who absolutely changed. [Much worse.] And I've known people much kinder than him who destroyed endless lives. Everyone is different, Fern.

But I'm not going to ask you to keep giving Maul chances, either. You have every right to cut ties with him. And I will respect whatever decision you make about him.

[She winces at his last comment.

Well, guess she's stupid then. Well, maybe not stupid, her trust in Maul had been lessened but not... zero.

She knows Fern is struggling right now, and she can't help but ask:]

Are you mad at me, since I refuse to give up on him?

He isn't them. He's his own person, and he isn't gonna change.

[He huffs a little, but at this point that's exactly what he's going to do. Why bother with someone who is only interested in being the absolute worst? He's going to spend his energy on supporting his real friends instead. Like Usagi, and her words are making him stop.]

No. [He scowls, folding his arms and kicking at some sand.] I'm worried. You're just gonna keep getting hurt for nothing.

You're right, he isn't them. [She leaned forward, moving to rest her forehead against Fern's.]

Thank you for worrying about my getting hurt. [Even if she didn't think it was for nothing.

Even if she became the last one to think it wasn't for nothing... or perhaps, the only one.]

I'm glad you're not mad at me. I think I could only handle one heartache today.

[He blinks a little, but will lean back against her in return.

He frowns a tiny bit, giving her a small nod. He'll always worry about Usagi getting hurt, and this mess with Maul is so serious he's worried she's going to get hurt really, really badly.]

You don't deserve any heartache, let alone more of it.

Ah... that can't be helped, unfortunately. [She gave an idle shrug.] Loving people and letting them in means you're bound to get hurt in some way. [She closed her eyes and smiled.] And I would allow myself to be hurt a billion times over before I stopped loving my precious people. [She opened her eyes and gently booped his nose.]

If we did not love deeply, then heartache could never happen, right? So I accept the heartache.

[There's a bit of a pout from him at that since she's right. Loving people isn't some perfect idyllic thing, though he does think there needs to be a line.]

I dunno, there's gotta be a limit. If I did that with someone like... like my dad, I'm pretty sure all he'd do is keep hurting me and I'd just ruin my life.

[That was something Finn had come to terms with in space, and something Fern has been while here in Trench.]

At some point you gotta protect yourself, no matter how much you care about them.

There is, and everyone's limit is different. Some people have incredibly high limits some people have low. Some have none. You have to decide for yourself where your line is. And if it's crossed, you have every right to cut that person out of your life or whatever you decide as a result of that limit being reached.

[She looked over to the waves.]

I suppose I have a very... VERY big limit. Maybe too big... but I'm really used to way worse. It doesn't excuse how much what Maul did hurt, but... it... I have worse things to compare it to and it falls short.

And that isn't healthy. [She offers, already aware it's messed up. Varian had made that ABUNDANTLY clear.] But there are people I don't forgive either. People I will never forgive. [And they're very fortunate that they are dead and not here]

[He certainly doesn't disagree with her on that. People need lines, they need boundaries. Letting Martin in time and again, letting Gumbald in - those jerks taught him that.

He gives Usagi a soft nod, glad that they're talking about this.]

I trust you on this. [He does, he really does.]

But I'm still gonna worry. [Because that's just what friends do, and this situation is serious enough that he's concerned she's going to wind up hurting herself trying to help someone as toxic as his father.]

You wouldn't love me if you didn't worry. [She smiled, gently nudging his shoulder.] That's part of the price for loving someone, you worry about them, for them. It's as much a part of the package as being excited for them, feeling soothed by them.

So thank you, Fern, for loving me.

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